Paris Hilton v The Kardashians. And The Winner Is……

Through my first few months as a speaker and prison consultant, I have been asked hundreds of questions about my time in federal prison. It’s par for the course, I suppose. After all I wrote a book called Lessons From Prison, and I speak on the subject extensively. So far, I have felt prepared to answer any question that comes my way. The Q&A segment following my speech, I’ve noticed, can sometimes be more evocative and engaging then the actual presentation. My presentations are extremely interactive anyway, though the Q&A segment gives those in the audience a chance to ask any and everything. And ask they do!

Questions include: My parents are cutting me off once I graduate college, and for the first time I have to pay my own bills. I’m nervous. Were you? Talk to me more about greed; is it bad? What was the culture like at UBS? Did Merrill Lynch, Bear Stearns and UBS have a corporate code, and if they did why do you think it wasn’t followed? How do you define the term “gray area”, and how will I know when I’m in one? What do you think of our justice system? Doesn’t it sting that your former business partner still works at UBS? How did that happen? How long did your coconspirator serve? What did your parents think? And without fail I’m always asked: How do you tell chicks you went to prison-that’s the hardest one to answer!

Students also e-mail me with questions. This past Monday, the 23rd, I received an e-mail from a student at USC asking me about my daily routine in prison, and specifically what “television shows were the most popular in prison”? I asked and was given permission to respond through my blog. The answer, I must admit, did not take me long to answer. After 10 seconds I was able to pare it down to the two shows that have changed the way men serve time in federal prison: Keeping up with the Kardashians and Who Will Paris Hilton Choose As Her Best Friend. But which show is number 1? You must read on. This question, while benign on the surface, is relevant because it leads me into the theme for this blog: Proactive Prison Adjustment, or Day 1 of my prison consulting class.

Most inmates, early in my term I was one of them, spend their days working on tasks that have very little relationship to the challenges they will face upon release. Too many men spend enormous amounts of time involved in sporting activities, claiming the television room and recreational area as their fiefdom. They spend the days coordinating softball games, ping-pong tournaments, and of course debating interminably which Kardashian is the hottest. The answer may surprise some.

Prison, unfortunately, strips men from their family, community, and in so doing takes away any sense of personal responsibility. Very little, if anything, is actually expected of inmates. Doesn’t that bother you? As taxpaying citizens we all pay for this broken justice system that perpetuates failure and extinguishes hope. I can’t just blame the system, however, nor can I blame Paris Hilton or the Kardashians. The responsibility lies with the prisoner to accept and improve his own life, regardless of what is transpiring around him.

Responsibility. What does that word mean anyway? I think it’s making decisions and accepting, without excuses, the consequences that follow. My fellow prisoners need to take responsibility for their own lives. At the end of the day, and irrespective of our broken justice system, the decision to live responsibly rests with you and you alone. Paris Hilton and the Kardashians, while nice respites from the mundane realities of prison life, aren’t going to pay your bills upon release.

The problem, I had to go to prison to believe, is that Taft Camp is really like a damn summer camp. Scores of men are engaged in activities designed simply to pass the days in mindless fun. Unfortunately, as most men soon discover, we are releasing from prison to the harsh reality of tough economic conditions. The time to prepare for release starts the day we walk into prison boundaries. Your choices should have meaning, and relate to the overall purpose of your life. We owe that much to our families we have put through so much.

I’ll admit I was not close with many men in prison, but since we were confined within the boundaries of Taft Camp, we couldn’t help but have some interactions. I saw them with their families in the visitation room; saw their children crying because their father wasn’t home to provide effective guidance or leadership. What should you do if you love or care for a federal prisoner? Smack them, kick them, throw a bucket of ice-cold water on them and shake them back into reality. To change and break the cycle of failure our prison system breeds takes self-discipline.

To prepare for release a prisoner has to dig deep and muster indomitable will. He has to think creatively about steps he could take to prepare. The prisoner who has committed to build a life for himself upon release has to recognize that the only rewards he will receive for his efforts will be internal, as administrators will not show any concern for the steps an individual takes to prepare for release. You will be mocked, questioned, and scrutinized from both staff and inmates. Those same inmates, I promise, will seek you out prior to your release asking if they can join you once they return home.

Those prisoners who choose to ignore my plan, will most likely join the ranks of prisoners who spend their days blaming everyone but themselves for their plight; some rat put me here, it was an ethical and not a criminal violation, government was out to get me. Many of these men, who are smart and who have tons of ability, still base their happiness and make decisions based on outside forces. They embellish and exaggerate past successes to anyone that will engage them. They seek approval from others or try to keep up, measuring their worth as men by what they have in relation to others. When we live without direction, like I did in my 20’s, we meander through life, frequently into despair or struggle.

Federal prisoners, I believe with all my heart, have a duty, an obligation to reconcile and make amends with a society who’s trust we have violated. “Trust those that have done it”, Virgil said. I did it, and while my life is far from ideal, it’s better because I worked hard in prison.

In a perfect world Paris Hilton and the Kardashians would use more of their wit, power, and intelligence-you can’t do what they do without being intelligent- to give back to the communities, and fans that have made them what they are: famous, influential, rich, and irresistible. It’s my fellow prisoners in jail, and the young women who yearn to be like them who have made that possible.

Before I answer today’s question I would like to thank those who have read my blog about prison adjustment, simply because you are dying to know the answer to today’s question. So which show is most popular? Is it Paris or the Kardashians? With an overwhelming margin, more than 70%, the Kardashian sisters are the queens of TV at Taft Federal Prison Camp. Oh, and the mother, runs a very close second to two of the sisters- though I cannot tell you which sisters.

The Kardashian sisters, I’m convinced, should take a field trip to Taft Camp and personally thank the hundreds of prisoners who take the time to watch their show. We will treat them to lunch in the chow hall. Or they should take a moment on their show and acknowledge that they would not be where they are without their fans, including federal prisoners. In so doing, they must encourage these fine men to work hard and make their families proud. The truth is these men would listen-just something about those sisters!

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